Out With The Old…

Moving house: http://insertcopyhere.wordpress.com/

Busy Busy Busy

I’ve been flat out for the past few days, which is stressful but fun at the same time. After my little winery jaunt at the weekend I tagged along on a shoot and jetted off to Sydney for lunch, as you do, and then back to the grindstone in the evening rehashing those french scripts until my battery died. Today my eyes feel like they haven’t blinked all day and the world looks like I’m staring at a magic eye puzzle. So no fun post and no entertaining links, at least not until my thumping headache subsides.

Don’t Hate Me ‘Cos I’m Fabulous

This is Television

I’ve been noticing that car crash TV shows are springing up all over the place. I have to admit I’m quite partial to Jeremy Kyle and Jerry Springer, where the guests are largely capable of digging their own graves without the ‘bear-baiting’ the hosts are accused of. But these are just the tip of the iceberg compared to some of the shows I’ve seen recently.

There’s ‘Cheaters’, where we see people confront their cheating partners after weeks of surveillance. Unfortunately for the victim it always seems to backfire as the cheater will say “f off I don’t like you anyway, you stalker freak”, thus reducing the victim to tears, hysteria and great sobbing wails in a Wall-Mart car park. The confrontation is generally arranged to be in a public place, during the day and after the victim has consumed alcohol. Even better if the ‘other woman’ is there as bitch fighting is GREAT TELLY.

But one of the worst I’ve seen is a fat-camp style Aussie show called ‘The Biggest Loser’, which sets out to document the journey of a dozen or so morbidly obese Australians as they attempt to lose weight. But it’s not that simple – instead of giving them diet advice and healthy food, the producers regularly make them face ‘Temptation’ where they must choose to stuff their faces with a calorie-packed meal in order to get a reward, usually a message from their family. And instead of adopting an enjoyable exercise regime, they’re taken to a muddy assault course and beaten into submission by a screaming ex-marine. Surely this sets them up for an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and exercise in the future? Who cares, it makes GREAT TELLY.

And then there’s ‘The Moment Of Truth’ which is truly in a class of its own. The premise is this: tell the truth and you win money. And the worst thing? If you lie you lose it all, and everyone will still know the truth.

OPENING SEQUENCE. LIGHTS UP.

“Welcome back and I’m here with Jodie and all her family and friends, we’re about to find out if she’s won $25,000. Jodie, before the break we asked you: Do you blame your dad for tearing your family apart? You answered yes, and…”

<mechanical voice> “That answer is: True”

“Jodie, you were telling the truth! Your father did tear your family apart! <cut to close up of embarrassed father> You’ve just won $25,000, congratulations. Now, I’ve got to warn you Jodie, if you choose to carry on, the questions are going to start to get personal. Are you alright with that? Are you sure you want to continue? You could walk away with $25,000 right now if you wanted. <long pause> Is that what you want? Are you happy with $25,000?”

“No! I’m going to carry on playing!”

<raucous applause> “That’s it Jodie! Jodie’s going to carry on playing the game, but now it’s going to get personal. <audience ooohs> Yes, you heard me right. Now Jodie I warned you things would start to get more personal. You were Miss California once weren’t you?”

“Indeed I was, three years ago.” <applause>

“And you still compete in pageants? <she nods> That’s fantastic. And you look amazing by the way, you’re in great shape. Doesn’t she look great ladies and gentlemen? <whoops and cheers from audience> Here’s your next question, for $50,000: Have you ever made yourself sick in order to stay thin?” <gasps from audience>

“Umm, I, ummmm…” <nervous laughter>

“Remember, this show is all about being truthful Jodie. You came here tonight with nothing, and you could go away with nothing. Think about it. How much do you want that $50,000? What sort of a difference will that make to your life? Just take your time, I know this is hard. <long pause> I’m going to need an answer from you. For $50,000, have you ever made yourself sick to stay thin?”

“Yes.”

<mechanical voice> “That answer is: True”

“Congratulations Jodie! You have indeed made yourself sick to stay thin! <muted applause> I think they’re clapping because you told the truth, not because you’re bulimic, but well done anyway! Look, your parents are so happy for you! <Jodie grins and waves to mortified family> Now for the next question. Are you ready? This is for the big money. $100,000. Jodie, you look confident, have you made up your mind already? Just think. What could you do with that cash? Holidays, new clothes, a new car…”

<takes a deep breath> “I’m ready. I’m gonna do it.”

Can you believe that ladies and gentlemen? Can you believe that? Jodie is going to risk everything… for $100,000. Now I told you this before Jodie, these questions are going to get more and more personal. Is that your husband sitting down there? <gestures>

Yes, yes it is, we’ve been married for nearly two years now.

Two years! Ladies and gentlemen, two years! <applause> Being married is great isn’t it. And he looks like a really great guy. <applause> Now, for $100,000, this is your moment of truth: Since you’ve been married, have you had sexual relations with anyone other than your husband?”

CUT.

What kind of person goes on this show? Is it just an exercise in seeing how much people will humiliate themselves for money? And what’s with all the close up reaction shots of the family? You can imagine the producers watching their little monitors and shrieking with joy over how many people’s lives they’ve managed to destroy that day, and what GREAT TELLY it makes.

Five Reasons Why Titles Like This Make Blogs More Popular

1. Most people like to know what they’re getting.

2. Long copy looks hard to read; lists are less intimidating.

3. By writing this little you can update your blog every day.

4. Which brings me on to the final and most compelling reason:

5. Because Writing Like This Makes People Think You’re Wearing A Suit.

Breaking Free

I feel so much better after getting out of Melbourne. At the weekend I trekked down the Great Ocean Road with a coachload of wrinklies and backpackers, saw the twelve Apostles, proper surfing waves and some two-dimensional seaside towns. I took photos, nibbled buttery fish and chips on the beach and stared out at the ocean. Now I feel revived, reinvigorated, and I’m almost afraid to admit why.

Because it was beautiful. And Melbourne just… isn’t. Fed Square, Flinders Street Station, Crown Casino, the Arts Centre; all paragons of architectural ugliness. It’s all new and sharp, angles and concrete, blocks and sprawling roads, and – what I hate the most – the tram lines everywhere, dissecting the sky, like giant fishing nets to hold us in.

Scratchity Scratch

You know the creative well has run dry when you start blogging about other people’s blogs, and even drier when you’re reduced to blogging about other people’s comments. But, in true creative style, I’m not going to let that stop me.

Scamp’s advertising haikus had me chortling over lunch. My favourite has to be by this guy:

Direct Marketing
I chose it for a living
Now I want to die.

Smell My Post

I’ve been meaning to post about these ads for a long time. It’s a print campaign for the Kuro TV by Pioneer: seeing and hearing like never before. Very close to Sony’s ‘like.no.other’ I think you’ll agree. Anyway, the series is part of a wider campaign developed by TBWA\Chiat\Day. It’s all about synaesthesia, or the body’s ability to mix up the senses, e.g. seeing the colour green and hearing birdsong, smelling coffee and feeling like feathers are tickling your nose, or seeing the number 5 and feeling like a bright blue light is shining in your eyes.

While photoshopping different elements of a body together is nothing new, there’s something intense and dramatic about these black and white images that grabs my attention. I love the way a frightened eye and a frightened mouth combine to make something that’s infinitely more frightening. I’m in awe of how they’ve got something so processed to look like a real moment in time: alive, gasping with energy and heavy with anticipation. This is why the first of the ads below is my favourite by far – the concept’s there in the second one but it’s not as engaging.

Print ads in monochrome can often look feeble, flat and dull, but these look deep and inky, Hitchcock meets film noir. Add to that some vibrant, chromatic copy that aggressively repositions experience as we know it, and you’ve got an ad that really makes an impact. It’s just a shame that after seeing it at least fifty times I still couldn’t remember what it was for.

Go beyond sight. Go beyond sound. Enter a world where you look with fresh eyes and listen with new ears. A world where you don’t just see, you feel. You don’t just hear, you touch. You don’t just watch, you truly and fully experience. Introducing the KURO.

Look in ways you didn’t know you could. Hear in ways you didn’t know existed. Where you eye bites into a red so juicy it explodes in a gush <pffft> and runs down your cheek. Where every image can be tasted, every note can be felt and every experience is magnified in ways you can hardly imagine.

Porridge: best of all the breakfasts

This morning I feel moved to sing the praises of porridge. Not that nasty instant sawdust kind, but real porridge oats, made with fat milk and a plop of golden syrup. There’s nothing quite so warming, comforting and dare I say nourishing on the breakfast scene. Cereal comes a close second, fruit is alright if it’s sunny, and I’d settle for a decent viennoise au chocolat at weekends. Toast is too dry, eggs are too eggy, and full fry ups – well, don’t even go there before eleven. But porridge gets it. Porridge knows how to do breakfast right. Yes the pan can be hell to scrub afterwards, but it’s a small price to pay for eating like a king.

Swings and Roundabouts

I’m well aware that I’m not posting about very cheery things at the moment. I guess I’m just accentuating the negative because that’s what sticks in my mind long enough for me to write about it.

There was the creepy man rubbing himself on the bus. Groups of people that walk straight into me like I don’t exist. Jellyfish, talking into voids, pity, narrowly missing being splatted getting off the tram, being in a city I haven’t quite clicked with. Realising everything I can’t change. And nice as it may sound, living in a hotel starts to become not so fun after a while.

There are things that balance all of that out. The joyful op shop on Chapel Street. The guy on reception at my hotel who gave me 11 free days of internet instead of my usual hour. The surprise postcard from my best friend. The feeling of real responsibility at work. Realising I can make an impact. Pushing the boundaries of what I can do. Getting to know a couple of people that listen. The full moon, being able to spend days playing with Final Cut, finding a big pack of multi-coloured plasticine for $5, nice weather, cycling, warm evenings, the sea. I’m falling into postcard speak. But you get my point: it’s not all bad.